And then there were 9...

So as you can probably guess, I have continued my explorations into the male species further and I certainly have new things to report.

After getting my first brazilian wax Friday morning, I was determined to use my "new vagina" that very night. I obviously had to test it out!

The only problem was, I had no prospects. Dina had to be up early and JG (my hilarious roommate and partner in crime) had work the next morning so I was at a loss for what to do.

Around 10pm one of my Marine friends texted me to come out with him and his uncle who was in town. We met in Dupont circle around 10:45 and I was surprised to find out that the uncle I thought was going to be in his 30's was a 45 year-old flamboyantly gay man.

I trotted my 6ft tall self (6'2" with the heels I was wearing) up the stairs at The Big Hunt and turned right around when they decided to hop to another bar. Walking back through the bar with a

1. Very short Marine (about 5'2")
2. Married guy who had just had a kid 5 days ago
3. Flaming 45 year-old gay uncle with a shirt that said, "I'm so gay I can't even think straight."

Was an experience in itself. I think everyone in the bar was beyond confused as to how the four of us had come together in the first place.

After we left Big Hunt, we traveled to Mad Hatter to see if there was a more lively crowd. Nope. After we finished our drinks, The Uncle begged us to find a gay bar. I'm not gonna lie, I have been meaning to visit a gay bar since I got to DC three years ago simply for the experience. And OH was it an experience!

Long story short, I was one of 3 women in the bar and the Marine and New Daddy were obviously both epically straight and uncomfortable with the skantily-clad men dancing on the bar.

I was intrigued by the lack of clothing that I was witnessing right before my eyes, but dissappointed that they were all small men in more ways than one. I am a burly man girl.

AND THEN HE ARRIVED. Stepping up onto the other side of the bar was the MOST BEAUTIFUL man I had ever laid eyes on. His thighs could compete with those of a bull. Just try to picture seeing thighs like this in real life:

Yes, this is no exaggeration, he actually looked like this with a dash of Hispanic.

Ok, promise I am done gushing now. The second I mentioned his beauty to The Uncle, he slapped a $1 bill in my hand and pulled me to the bar. I was red as a beet. The stripper forced me to put the dollar in his drawers and grabbed my arm and ran it up and down his oiled abs.

I. DIED.

Long story short I'm pretty sure he was straight since he was giving me not-so-gay sex eyes the rest of the night.

I had been telling the guys all night that I really needed to use my new vag, so we finally left the gay bar and headed to one of my favorites, Front Page.

At this point I am beyond desperate. It had been a week since #8 and I was not pleased. Here's how it went down. Pay attention ladies, because I think I might use this tactic more often:

1. Walk into bar
2. Walk around entire bar. Find target.
3. If no target is found, find bouncer friend.
4. Approach bouncer friend, lean in for hug and whisper, "I need to get some. You game?"
5. Go home.
6. Accidentally fall asleep.
7. Get woken up at 3:30a.m. to find trusty bouncer friend at your door.
8. Bang him until 6a.m.

Success.

I Overslept

Yesterday I was hanging out with my friend Dina (note her name as she is everywhere in my life) and we were talking about my comings and goings in the two months since I broke up with my ex.

I am going to be honest here and say I have slept with nine people since the breakup. I know its not kosher to tell the world your number, but I think that women should be proud of having a healthy sex life.

After I finished updating her on my most recent adventures, she quickly replies, "Thats more than one man every week!"

HINT: There are 8 weeks in two months, which is about 56 days. 56 divided by 9 men is 6.2 meaning that every 6.2 days I had sex with someone new....so once a week.



I froze. That makes the number sound so much worse than I thought it was originally. I was not only shocked, but ashamed.

I have been mulling this equation over in my head since she pointed it out, and I wondered why it was considered so bad to sleep with men at my leisure. In my opinion if I have the ability to handle it emotionally (which honestly I'm not sure I can even if I tell myself I have the ability) and I am being safe, then I should be able to sleep around if it so pleases me!

Maybe I am just not normal (very likely) but I honestly do NOT understand the reasoning behind why sex is portrayed as something bad in our society. I understand all of the emotional connection type bullshit for why women shouldn't sleep around, but don't people get a similar emotional connection to a person when they date them or kiss them or anything of the sort that isn't sex? Why is sex always portrayed as the bad guy?

Now, I'm not suggesting that you go out there and shack up with a new man every night (like this girl who slept with 2.5 men a day for 9 years if you do the math), but I do believe a girl should be allowed to go through a phase every once in a while.

If you ask me, sex is the best drug out there. You burn calories, you get a high of sorts, and you don't die from it. To me that sounds like a done deal!